I joined at gym. I worked my butt off today....I've never sweated like that in my life! And I feel good about it. I really want to get my craving under control....I don't even know if it is cravings or just thing fucked way of thinking about food too often and wanting it for reasons other than hunger...UGH!
I'm also VERY hormonal and feeling out of control of my emotions and it ANGERS ME!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Breathe
I've been in counseling with the same counselor since 2004. It hurts my heart to be leaving this process and this person.
For reasons that I don't feel like getting into right this moment my "counseling" group was turned into "life coaching". I figured that it was just a label and it wouldn't matter really...I was wrong.
Life coaching is not an open floor discussion on anything and everything that may need to be brought up. It's not gaining tools to use in life. It's got more structure as far as what is being worked on or talked about. In my experience it's basically a support group for people working hard on goals and a great resource for doing the things you need to do in that process. That's great, it's working for a lot of people and it has even helped me in that area. I just don't think I am done growing in the areas where the counseling was helping me. I have learned so much about who I am, who I want to be and how to be that person. From what I can tell that's an on going process that is both hard and enjoyable and highly rewarding.
With luck I found David, my counselor, who is a wealth of knowledge. He's a real person who has guided me instead of teaching me. In other words he counseled me in a way that was learning and growing from within myself. Of course he taught things or advised things....but really everything was left up to how I would take what he would say and make it fit for my way of thinking or my life. I can talk to him and see how much counseling really excites him, how passionate he is about his work. I can tell that he grows and learns from his clients and he cherishes that. It's been a blessing to work so closely with him for so long and to have him celebrate my success with the things I have chosen to work. When he's proud of me I know he is proud of himself for helping me along the way.
Maybe it's sad or sounds stupid...the fact is that he was the first man I've ever fully trusted and without that experience I don't know if I would be able to trust any man. I love David for helping me live up to my potential as a wife and a mother and for never giving up on me over the last 5 years of hard work. Psychology is very interesting to me and I've gained a lot of insight while watching him counsel other group members and that's awesome....food for thought I guess you could say.
I guess the bottom line is that I really like myself. I have grown so much in the last 5 years...mostly the last 3. I have forgiven, I have achieved goals, I have trusted, I have loved with my whole heart and I have been brave enough to be me without fear of what anyone else might think or say. I've gained the ability to listen to criticism and process that as helpful information or consider the source and know when to brush it off. I have learned how I can love someone and not love everything about them, without judging. I've learned how to open up...sometimes too much I suppose...I really think I could go on for a long time. I just can't express how valuable counseling has been for me and I am so thankful I can walk away knowing that I am strong enough to face my life and stay true to myself.
I am moving on. I'm going to continue setting goals and reaching them. I'm going to probably do some one on one counseling here and there since I just learned that my insurance will cover that again....but sadly that will not be with David, but one of his coworkers...who I have worked with in a group setting in the past. There is also a change that David will be counseling again in the future...and I will for sure be his client again if that happens. I am really going to miss him. I have gotten to the point where I don't NEED him to validate things for me like I did at one point....now I just have to work on not WANTING that from him. It's difficult when I have grown to value his ideas and opinions so much because they have been so helpful for me. It's difficult to walk away from someone I trust so dearly when there are so few people in my life I can honestly say that about. I know I can trust him because when I don't actually take his advice he isn't upset or annoyed he's open to the way I choose to deal with it. He isn't up on a soap box telling me the way it is he's connected and committed to helping people progress in whatever it is they are working on and helping people improve the quality of their lives.
I'm totally going on and on...I'm just really emotional about this tonight and I have so much to say about it and I don't know anyone other than Allen that would be interested in listening to me talk about it forever lol
For reasons that I don't feel like getting into right this moment my "counseling" group was turned into "life coaching". I figured that it was just a label and it wouldn't matter really...I was wrong.
Life coaching is not an open floor discussion on anything and everything that may need to be brought up. It's not gaining tools to use in life. It's got more structure as far as what is being worked on or talked about. In my experience it's basically a support group for people working hard on goals and a great resource for doing the things you need to do in that process. That's great, it's working for a lot of people and it has even helped me in that area. I just don't think I am done growing in the areas where the counseling was helping me. I have learned so much about who I am, who I want to be and how to be that person. From what I can tell that's an on going process that is both hard and enjoyable and highly rewarding.
With luck I found David, my counselor, who is a wealth of knowledge. He's a real person who has guided me instead of teaching me. In other words he counseled me in a way that was learning and growing from within myself. Of course he taught things or advised things....but really everything was left up to how I would take what he would say and make it fit for my way of thinking or my life. I can talk to him and see how much counseling really excites him, how passionate he is about his work. I can tell that he grows and learns from his clients and he cherishes that. It's been a blessing to work so closely with him for so long and to have him celebrate my success with the things I have chosen to work. When he's proud of me I know he is proud of himself for helping me along the way.
Maybe it's sad or sounds stupid...the fact is that he was the first man I've ever fully trusted and without that experience I don't know if I would be able to trust any man. I love David for helping me live up to my potential as a wife and a mother and for never giving up on me over the last 5 years of hard work. Psychology is very interesting to me and I've gained a lot of insight while watching him counsel other group members and that's awesome....food for thought I guess you could say.
I guess the bottom line is that I really like myself. I have grown so much in the last 5 years...mostly the last 3. I have forgiven, I have achieved goals, I have trusted, I have loved with my whole heart and I have been brave enough to be me without fear of what anyone else might think or say. I've gained the ability to listen to criticism and process that as helpful information or consider the source and know when to brush it off. I have learned how I can love someone and not love everything about them, without judging. I've learned how to open up...sometimes too much I suppose...I really think I could go on for a long time. I just can't express how valuable counseling has been for me and I am so thankful I can walk away knowing that I am strong enough to face my life and stay true to myself.
I am moving on. I'm going to continue setting goals and reaching them. I'm going to probably do some one on one counseling here and there since I just learned that my insurance will cover that again....but sadly that will not be with David, but one of his coworkers...who I have worked with in a group setting in the past. There is also a change that David will be counseling again in the future...and I will for sure be his client again if that happens. I am really going to miss him. I have gotten to the point where I don't NEED him to validate things for me like I did at one point....now I just have to work on not WANTING that from him. It's difficult when I have grown to value his ideas and opinions so much because they have been so helpful for me. It's difficult to walk away from someone I trust so dearly when there are so few people in my life I can honestly say that about. I know I can trust him because when I don't actually take his advice he isn't upset or annoyed he's open to the way I choose to deal with it. He isn't up on a soap box telling me the way it is he's connected and committed to helping people progress in whatever it is they are working on and helping people improve the quality of their lives.
I'm totally going on and on...I'm just really emotional about this tonight and I have so much to say about it and I don't know anyone other than Allen that would be interested in listening to me talk about it forever lol
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