Seriously?

It's been a long day. I'm feeling really guilty because my brother, Cameron, stayed the night last night and I wasn't a very good host. I'm pretty sure that I have a sinus infection. After a couple of weeks (maybe more?) of just dealing with it or taking over the counter meds & putting my heating pad on my face I'm actually going in to get an antibiotic tomorrow. He wanted to stay another night but I just couldn't do it. I had a hellish trip to the store with him and my two and by the time I got back home my whole head was pounding. I didn't get much sleep last night so today when Ian took a nap I took one with him....and I'm feeling bad that I wasn't spending time with him. I'll have to have him over soon to make it up to him.

Last weekend Allen and I have the most serious argument we've ever had. It was pretty deep and yet productive. It was a tough one, but I'm feeling good about it now and I've been thinking about it because it turned out to be what we needed. It's like there was all this crap building up and once it exploded and we both vented it just melted. I mean, not exactly since we both have things that we had to change or work on...but the thing is that we are doing it and it's working. It was very emotionally draining but worth it. Sometimes I need things to be put back into perspective and that's definitely did the trick.

Some more guilt.... I've been setting goals for myself lately and doing a good job, which is the new part of this whole process. One of my goals is to loose weight. I've been doing really well. I caved tonight though and bought a Pepsi. I drank a little more than half and now it's trash. I haven't been eating sweets or salty snacks...that's my real downfall. I wish I wouldn't have drank the soda, and I'm glad I didn't drink the whole thing. Also, I just bought one 20oz bottle, so I don't have a stock tempting me till I drink it all. The best news is that house work burns a lot of calories....so my house is lookin' good. Tomorrow I'm adding more activity. I think it's going to be dancing. I can do that with my kids so it's more likely to work for me. I'm also trying to be less hard on myself, that's not going as well. Once I made that a goal I realized how much negative internal dialogue I have. I go to counseling and it was brought to my attention several weeks ago that I am hard on myself and if I gave myself some credit and a little slack I might find it easier to lighten up and probably be even more productive. I'm finding that to be true, it's just hard to be positive to me about me sometimes. That's yucky huh? And it's a piss poor example to show my children....so I'm working on it.

Well...I'm out of here I have to send out emails about Hannah's Birthday party....bitter sweet! I've been looking into schools for her, it rough lol....I feel so sad yet so much pride when my kids hit new milestones. I'm a baby...I know!